There it is - eloquently said as usual, Francis. I...- May 30, 2007 There it is - eloquently said as usual, Francis. I have dated black, white, and Hispanic men. The better I get to know them, the more obvious it is that color doesn't matter in a dating relationship. Every person is a unique, complex individual.http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... Nathalie: Thanks for your honest comments. Rathe...- May 30, 2007 Nathalie: Thanks for your honest comments. Rather than use the word "racist," which has many doctrinal, political and ideological meanings that don't fit well within a discussion of psychiatry, I prefer the term Extreme Color Arousal. (ECA) As soon as we use the phrase "extreme color-arousal" instead of "racism," it becomes apparent that any person who is human can have emotions, ideation and behavior that color-aroused and that are extreme. This is an example of where ideological language..http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... My husband is what society would call black and I ...- May 30, 2007 My husband is what society would call black and I am what society would call white. He lived in a predominately white area and went to white schools when he was growing up. I grew up in a black area and went to black school. We are in our forties now, so a lot of things were happening 1969 through the early 1980s. He has had a black wife before, and I have had a white husband before. We both have an adult child out of wedlock, him with a white woman and me with a black man both children...http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... I find the idea that only whites can be racist to ...- May 30, 2007 I find the idea that only whites can be racist to be insane. I think that if you look at many ethnic groups you will find instances of extreme racism not only to groups outside their own but within their own group as well. Because a certain group doesn't have "power" doesn't mean they can't harm those of another group. As someone who has had about a 5050 as far as relationships with black and white men, I find the differences are between the people and their personalities, not their color. What.http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... Rikyrah: I think this is an important - even cent...- May 30, 2007 Rikyrah: I think this is an important - even central area - in which the belief that "Blacks cannot be 'racist'" has not served us well as Blacks. The assumption has been that since we didn't have the same powers or motivation that whites had to hurt Blacks, that therefore the color-aroused harm we do to each other is relatively insignificant. But Black women know this is not true. When Black women want and need to rely on Black men as potential mates, it is devastating to Black women's...http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... Yes, it is insulting how some men (of any color) s...- May 30, 2007 Yes, it is insulting how some men (of any color) seem to care only about the superficial aspects of women.I would be interested to hear from men who have dated both black and white women:a. Did the man have certain expectations of what the relationship with a white woman would be like Andb. Was it what he thought it would beI ask because I think some people stereotype and either idealize or fear what they don't really understand. Maybe people think the "grass is greener on the other side."http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... Francis, if everything were equal, then America, a...- May 30, 2007 Francis, if everything were equal, then America, and other Black women wouldn't get so upset.But, they are NOT equal. I don't get into fights about it, but it doesn't make me happy. Though, if some White woman called me a 'Black Bitch', I'd try and stomp her into the ground - I'm not taking that White Privilege $(% from no White woman. (I'm not a violent person). With the exception of a Bill Maher, if you look at White men of any means, who have a 'Woman of Color' on their arms, be her Black,...http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... Anne: I'd say that there are rarely easy answers....- May 30, 2007 Anne: I'd say that there are rarely easy answers. Whether someone has an aesthetic preference or a skin-color or ethnicity-aroused bias is really a matter of fact which can only be proven by information much of which resides within the person's head.Sometimes people engage in verbal expressions or outward behavior that allows us to infer their ideation and emotions from their behavior. Even with verbal behavior such as that which got Imus fired, there is sometimes great disagreement about...http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... Why do I ask I just over-analyze things sometimes...- May 30, 2007 Why do I ask I just over-analyze things sometimes - exactly which behaviorsthoughts constitute prejudice Does personal aesthetic taste constitute prejudice This has been a question in the back of my mind since long before I met you, and this set of posts about dating-type relationships made me think about it.Also, I hope I don't sound like I'm criticizing "America" too much - that's not my intention. But everyone has different tastes that shouldn't be taken as a personal insult. She may prefer..http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... Anne, I too am very grateful to "America" for shar...- May 29, 2007 Anne, I too am very grateful to "America" for sharing her experiences with us.I think that it would take a psychiatrist and a few years of therapy to tease out the distinction between color and facial morphology-related attraction to Asian women and that is associated with ethnicity and, on the other hand, an aesthetic preference color or morphology preference that is devoid of ethnicity-related content. In our society and all over the world, even benign preference receives third party...http://francislholland.blogspot.com/2007/05/black-woman-struggles-with-color.html?showComm... |